For me the journey to finding this out began in January. Before I had been living my life at my own pace, it was during this time that people close to me had their plans revealed to them. This got me thinking why hasn't God revealed anything to me yet, does he not want to use me for anything.
I was handed a leaflet at the Congress for the Design For Life course. I prayed and talked to people about it and it was decided I should apply for it. A few days before the course I had a conversation with a friend about how I was feeling about things, it was during this conversation that they said I think you need to change the person you are so you can complete God's work. After this I thought what gives you the right to tell me I need to change, the only person who can do this is God but then they said don't change because I've told you too, change because God has told you.
During the weekend it was mentioned that God calls imperfect people, when this was said it made me think I don't need to change who I am, God can use me as I am now. Just before the devotional time on the Saturday night we were focusing on different people in the bible and the different callings that they had. Each of them had to wait different time periods for their callings to be revealed to them. The person who was leading the course said that like these people in the bible we too are being called to do different things and if you're still waiting the door is right but the time isn't you just need to prepare and wait. It was at this moment that I realised that I that if I want to have my calling revealed to me I have to hold nothing back from God. A song came to be that the youth chorus sing called Obiedence. Lord I hear your knocking, hear your voice appealing, open the door of your heart. Let me enter in and take the centre of your life controlling every part. Come follow me to the way of the cross. This is the moment you must start.
I knew then that I had to make a start on this journey. There were different stations set up around the room and I went to the one that was for the future. It was here that the person who came to speak to me read from Romans 12. The verse that stood out for me was verse 2. Don't copy the behaviour and the customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you. Which is good and pleasing and perfect. After that verse was read it got me thinking if God had chosen that verse to be read and one of my friends saying that I need to change, maybe I actually do need to change. After the weekend it became clearer that God does actually have a plan for me.
Over the past few months I've had a few ups and downs. One of the things I've really struggled with is giving my life over to God because I've lived my life at my own pace for a long time. I know I need to do this so I can progress on the journey with God. There have been times when I've wanted to tell my friends about my struggles but I've never had the courage too because I see it as a sign of weakness. I don't want too burden them with my problems when they've got their own and I feel that they may judge me. I hope and pray that over the next few months and years that I have the courage to tell people about my struggles and that I keep on perserving to give the whole of my life over to God, so I can be his disciple in the world.
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